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In my previous blog titled, Is Easter Still Relevant, I touched briefly on a controversial and sensitive topic – the institutional abuse of children.
With the court cases for institutional abuses being prominent in the media in recent years, you could be forgiven for thinking that the abhorrent behaviour of certain members of the church clergy represents the whole church membership. These alone could justify the demise of societies faith in the institutional church, and even in the existence of a loving God altogether…Let me first be absolutely clear. I do not in anyway agree with nor condone the abuse that has been perpetrated by those members of the church who have violated the trust position that they hold or have held. I too am horrified and disgusted when I hear of these despicable acts.
I am always saddened to the core when reports of this type criminal act are in the media, not to mention those that have been perpetrated and not reported. But I am also saddened by the deep hurt that the survivors live with. Whilst I have never been subjected to such acts, nor personally know of anyone who has, I accept that forgiving someone for such things could be considered impossible. I write this blog in the hope that it can bring some understanding of the power of forgiveness and allow healing to those who still suffer, but it comes with a challenge.
Society is quick to point out the use of the four letter F-Word. I’d like to suggest there is another F-Word which in some circles may be as taboo to speak, discuss or even act on. That word is Forgiveness. If it is so powerful, then why is it so difficult to give, and sometimes receive? Any wrong against another person, regardless of how bad society considers it, or the penalty it may attract, someone has still been wronged. The type of wrong, or sin may be trivialised in different societies, however, no sin is trivial in God’s eyes.
If you feel that you want to stop reading here because I have mentioned God, please continue reading. This may be stirring something in you that needs to be addressed. You might be saying “If there is a God who loves, then why do these things happen?” Simply put, we live in a world that is not perfect, where God gave all of humankind free will regarding their choices. (That alone is a topic for a future blog!)
From a medical perspective, research has shown direct links between a persons health and well being with forgiveness. The act of forgiveness is attributed to lowering the risk of heart attack; improving cholesterol levels and sleep; and reducing pain, blood pressure, and levels of anxiety, depression and stress. Living in a state of unforgiveness where worldly vices such as alcohol and drug abuse or self harm are used to mask its impacts can also be detrimental to your health, aswell as those around you.
The concepts of Forgiveness, Judgement, Justice and Mercy and other related concepts of Bondage, Bitterness and Offence collectively appear over one thousand times in the Bible. If these concepts weren’t important to God, then they would not have been repeated throughout the Bible.
Forgiveness is not about denying that something happened, it is about removing the sting that unforgiveness creates. It is about releasing yourself and the other party(ies) from bondage and offense. Unforgiveness builds up walls that imprison you and becomes a filter that you view life through. You react unfavourably to the thought of an event taking place that may cause you hurt.
When someone has perpetrated an act that has caused harm whether emotional or physical on another person, it may appear that they have gotten away with it, it is an injustice. Isiaiah chapter 30 verse 18-19 says that God is a God of justice, that He is gracious towards us and has mercy upon us also. The Bible also tells us that it is not our place to seek revenge. Romans chapter 12 verse 19 says ‘Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord.’
It has been said that ‘hurt people hurt.’ If you find your natural response is to seek revenge for a wrong doing, then I’d suggest that there is a filter of revenge impacting your relationships with everyone. If you untie yourself from this attitude, you are not letting the other person off the hook, but leaving room for God to move in the situation. They will still be held accountable for their choices and actions before God just as you and I will be. God will be able to move in your life as your life becomes less cluttered with revenge, hatred, bitterness and unforgiveness.
Forgiveness is a choice, your attitude towards it determines your altitude with God. Giving penance is a false doctrine and denies the power of Jesus death and resurrection. When you learn to forgive yourself, you open the door for peace to flow through your life. Do not hold yourself down because of the things you have done, or others have done to you. Rather, begin to imagine your life free from the bitterness and resentment that you carry. 1 John 1 verse 9 says that “If we confess our sins, then He (God) is faithful and just to forgive us and cleanse us from our sins.” God won’t hold them against us if we seek Him with a genuine and repentant heart. Forgiveness releases the bitterness you hold towards God, making more room for His love, compassion and healing to enter your life.
The Passion Translation of the Bible explains the benefit of forgiveness in this way.
“Let me be clear, the Anointed One (Jesus Christ) has set us free – not partially, but completely and wonderfully free! We must always cherish this truth and stubbornly refuse to go back into the bondage of the past.” (Galatians 5 verse 1)
As mentioned earlier, I am saddened by the deep hurt that the survivors of abuse live with. Not discounting or denying what has happened (case in point), by not finding it within themselves to forgive the perpetrator for their actions against them they continue to live in a place of greater pain. A hardened and closed off heart is a difficult place for God’s healing work to begin. Forgiveness is a choice, and an attitude that brings us closer to God’s altitude.
I accept that it is not always practical nor advisable to confront those who have caused you harm. That doesn’t stop you from calling out to God, pouring out your heart felt pain, frustration and anger. As you do, ask God to release that person from whatever wrong you feel that has been committed against you. To release them from the bitterness and offense you have held. As you do this, you will clear out the junk from your own life, clean out the relevant filters and see life differently. What also takes place in the Spiritual realm, is that the person is freed from the bondage your unforgiveness had over them. They are still accountable to God for their actions. It is your responsibility to release a person through forgiveness. It is not your responsibility how they receive it. Don’t let the sinful act they committed against you keep you in bondage through unforgiveness.
The Bible is full of keys to living. It says that the keys of the Kingdom of Heaven have been given to us. Keys are representative of authority. Take the authority given to you to release your hurt, pain, bitterness, offense, as this action will unlock the causes from your past that have led to unforgiveness.
Karma says that you get what you deserve. Jesus says that He took what you deserve. Don’t seek revenge and wish evil and bitterness on others. Allow the redemptive work of the cross have its full measure in your life. Accept it as the final say, that the things bringing you down are finished.
I don’t for a moment suggest this is the easiest thing to do, especially with such huge life altering incidents. I do recall though a song with the words “Heal the wounds but leave the scars” Be a survivor not a sufferer. Let the woulds be healed, and if appropriate in your circumstances, allow your story of forgiveness be an encouragement to others.
Challenging concept for sure, but the rewards are freedom and liberty.
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