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There are many topics in the Bible that are taken out of context, or considered too controversial that they should be ignored. In modern society where the traditional view of a covenant marriage being one where a man and woman do not live together or engage in physically intimate activities before consummating their marriage, is, in some circles seen as draconian and too old fashion to be relevant. It is a sharp contrast to the array of modern day relationships where living arrangements and gender selection are more fluid than the traditional model represents.
I personally believe in the traditional construct of marriage. I also have people I consider friends whose choices are more representative of the modern depiction of a relationship between to consenting adults. The key in any of our relationships, especially those we hold most dear, is to act in such a way that brings out their best, and supports and nurtures them.
One of these Biblical passages that is often taken out of context, or only read in part to support a particular view was written by a man known as The Apostle Paul, who incidentally is attributed to having written the majority of the New Testament. This passage is from his letter to the city of Ephesus, known as the Book of Ephesians. In full, it reads as follows:
“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her,that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. (Ephesians 5:22-33 New King James Version)
As my articles are written predominantly for a male audience, the focus here is on the second half; how we as husbands should relate to our wives. Correctly applied, these principles can shape how we relate to all women. I am sure any fathers of daughters would desire a future son-in-law to treat his ‘little princess’ with the utmost respect, love and compassion.
My wife and I had this passage read at our wedding as we believe that as a whole, it presents a firm foundation for a long and fruitful marriage. One that has an eternal perspective when it comes to dealing with the vows promised to each other.
How are we then as men to treat our wives as Christ treated the church? Whilst Jesus Christs life provided many examples for living, even for those who don’t acknowledge His Lordship, one area where we can love and honour our wives is covered in this article.
One example is a story about a woman who encountered Jesus in a place called Samaria. Being a woman of a different culture to Jesus, it was unheard of for a woman of her standing to speak to a man of Jesus’ culture. In John chapter 4, the story speaks of this woman attending to her daily activities in drawing water to provide for her family. The conversation shows how Jesus did not let cultural barriers prevent her from hearing the truth about life. The woman was astounded when Jesus revealed His divinity by knowing all about her, especially that she had been married several times and was currently living with a man who was not her husband. Taking their counter-cultural conversation further, Jesus tells the woman that through Him, she can experience eternal life. Her response was to demonstrate that she was aware of the coming Messiah who would teach them all things, only she did not realise that it was He who was speaking to her who was the Messiah.
In this interaction, Jesus imparted wisdom and knowledge to this woman. His wisdom revealed eternal truths and was intended to encourage her to improve her life. He did not judge her for her past relationships, nor for the current state of her living arrangements. Neither did he allow cultural and societal bias prevent Him from imparting life giving words to her.
Another example of how Jesus treated women can be found in John chapter 8. In this story, there is a woman who was caught in the act of adultery. Some of the ‘religious leaders’ of the day brought this woman before Jesus. They weren’t too concerned with the woman’s behaviour, for some research indicates that she was a prostitute, they themselves may have paid for her services at sometime. They sought to see how Jesus would interpret the old teachings which said such an act was punishable by stoning. It appears that Jesus ignores their demands until He challenges her accusers that, if any of them was without sin, then they could cast the first stone. It wasn’t long before the only two people left was the woman and Jesus. “When Jesus had raised Himself up and saw no one but the woman, He said to her, “Woman, where are those accusers of yours? Has no one condemned you?” She said, “No one, Lord.” And Jesus said to her, “Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more.”
Some translations of this passage include the phrase, “He had compassion on her.” By this interaction Jesus demonstrated compassion to her through the absence of judgement. He also challenged those who sought to bully and harass her for her own life choices, by suggesting they look in the mirror at they own actions and lifestyle choices before applying religious laws to her behaviour.
Two other translations of the main passage from Ephesians puts it this way…
- Husbands, love your wives [seek the highest good for her and surround her with a caring, unselfish love], just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her (verse 25 Amplified Bible)
- Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. (verse 25-28 The Message)
The Bible as a whole contains lessons for living abundant fulfilling lives. There are many more of Jesus teachings throughout the Gospel that give us guidance on how to relate to other people, regardless of whether they are part of our immediate family of not.
Further supporting how we as husbands should treat our wives is found in Paul’s letter to the church in Rome (Romans 12:9-13 NIV)
“Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in love. Honour one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervour, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.”
If we, as husbands honour, that is to give preferential treatment to our wives then we will be able to bring the best out of our wives. Putting someone else’s needs before your own can be challenging. In the context of marriage vows, ‘in sickness and in health’ takes on a whole new dimension when we are seeking to fulfil our needs. Both men and women have different body clocks and differing physical needs. There will be times in our marriages when we don’t seem to be having our own needs met. It may be with the passage of time, ageing impacts on all of our bodies. As men we need to me conscious of our wives as bearers of life. When this part of a woman life slows down, or changes dramatically, it impacts us too. That season in your marriage can indeed be challenging.
The examples above how Jesus encouraged and not condemned these women should set the benchmark for how we treat our wives in all circumstances, to seek the highest good for her and surround her with a caring, unselfish love. Giving our wives the space to process and adjust to life changes without the pressure of meeting your physical needs will smooth out the bumps in the road. Preferring their needs over our own, should encourage them to share with us what they are experiencing. If we are able to demonstrate love like Jesus has for the church to our wives, they may feel comfortable to give themselves permission to grieve, share what’s going on and be accepting of life changes. If your wife knows and feels that you truly love her without exception, that she is valued, then you are sure to have a long and fruitful life together.
If you hold true to the traditional view of covenant marriage or not then your commitment to one another should be without question. When you commit yourself to one person, you also say no to other things in life that can tempt you when you are seeking to have your needs met. Make sure your wife feels your unconditional love for her.
The last word goes to the writer of the Proverbs (chapter 18 verse 22) “He who finds a wife finds a good thing.” Cherish your wife at all stages of life.
